Sorry you had to go through such a horrendous childhood. One thing jumped out at me. By the time your Mom was 23, she already had 3 children. She was just a kid herself, which may explain why she was so immature and desperate for a partner. She may have felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of marriage and 3 babies at such a young age and wanted to have fun again, and therefore ruining her marriage and beginning a downward spiral. And she was too emotionally immature to realize the devastating effect it had on her children. Plus the drinking made it worse. And how awful that she didn’t protect you from that predatory man. Alcoholics do some terrible things. A sad situation.